"Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming. As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy." 1 Peter 1:13-16
It's a bit of timeless story. Boy meets Girl. Boy likes Girl. Girl likes Boy. Boy and Girl date. Boy and Girl split. Boy and Girl are bitter. Now if we were to follow Hollywood's take on relationships, the next part of the story would be, "Boy and Girl reconcile and live happily ever after." Now this is feel good, but it's hardly the reality.
Break ups are difficult, but the interesting thing here is that this cycle of love and hurt doesn't only apply to romance. It applies to relationships in general. Whether it is with family, friends or colleagues, we often get offended and hurt in such a way that we find it difficult to function 'normally' again. The question at hand then is how do we practice our Christian love when it all hurts so much.
It is worthwhile I think, particularly for our own reflection, to break the issue up in to two different areas. If we want to work out how to love someone that has hurt us, we need to get a grip on what it means to hurt, and what it means to love.
To Hurt
Firstly we should be aware that it is inevitable that we will get hurt in this world. Sometimes in a big way, sometimes in a small way, but it's impossible to scoot on through in life without having experienced some kind of deep pain and disappointment that is caused by others. We aren't perfect and therein lies the problem. With our nature of sin, we and the world are broken and so we all live our lives in a broken way. We hurt others because we have hurt God. It should not be a surprise to us that people fail each other, and fail us, because even though we may have a lot of trust for the people around us, the fact of the matter is that only God is completely trustworthy.
We are all capable of hurt, and indeed we all exercise that ability. On top of this we are also receivers of hurt. I don't mean to focus on the inevitably of hurt again, but on our sensitivity to it. We are all fragile. No one is strong enough to go through the whole of their experience of their lives without finding themselves in a position where they are lost, weary and damaged by the things others have done.
It is, therefore, very much a worldly way of thinking to decide that we are entirely without fault or blame, or that we can function perfectly in this world without any help from the one true and living God.
Thinking It Through
The first step then in learning to love those who have hurt us is to recognise that they are not perfect, we are not perfect, and so in our relationships we all actually need help from God, someone who is perfect. We need to humble ourselves in our pain to ensure that we do not enter into self-righteousness, where we think that we have never wronged someone in the same way. We have to realise that the one who has hurt us, is possibly (probably?) hurt or frustrated or suffering as well.
The real danger in our hurt then is to lose perspective so much so that we consider our own feelings and needs to be of the only real importance. Essentially the problem is that we may idolise ourselves. We need to be careful then that in our pain and anger, we do not sin by lashing out at others or by refusing to acknowledge God in our life. We've been called to be holy, and that is something that applies across the whole board of our living.
This is by no means a complete list, but here are some things that will help us keep perspective when going through pain
So what do you think? What's been helpful for you in dealing with your own hurt in a godly way?
Click here for Part 2!